literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
