her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
