Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
