I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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