No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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