Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize