I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
