Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
