If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
