I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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