While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
