She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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