you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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