I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
