i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
