saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
