guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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