Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
