i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
as a side note pls kill me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
