Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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