He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
