I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
