that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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