let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
