Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
