I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
