It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
