i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
