How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
