He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
