so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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