What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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