Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
