I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
