I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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