sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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