hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
