Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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