I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
