At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize