ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
