Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
