we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
