Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
