11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
