When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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