Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So many bounce houses so little time
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
