I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
