just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
