I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Say something about gay babies.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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