I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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