in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
