I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
