just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
