Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
