My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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