So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
