Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
