Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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