Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
