Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
