STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
