It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just forgot I was standing up.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
