your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
