Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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