im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize