Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
