it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
