Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
