im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
