Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
