I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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