she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
