Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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