Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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